Contritum Caelum
by Flame of the Dark
Summary: Pain... Neglect... Torture and abuse... Somethig no child should have to experience... But Caelum? It's an everyday thing for him. His mother died during birth... His father's turned abusive, and life just became hell to live... With almost no support, he must come to grips with the hardest things life could throw at him, while trying to manage his emotions around one special fox..
1. Chapter 1

A trail of blood ran across the floor, running underneath the doorway and down the stairs into the living room, before spreading out into a small puddle that sat at the side of a sofa, on which a dull brown fox sat. The blood appeared to have stained his claws. The adult fox didn't seem to notice the blood on his claws, and he also seemed to ignore the loud crying that was coming from up stairs.

In the room at the other end of the trail of blood sat a light grey young kit, around 4 years old. The blood stained his fur and his clothes, and he was sitting in a large puddle of it. The young kit was hissing, whimpering, yelping and crying out in pain, holding his left par against a large cut in the flesh of his cheek, while holding his knees and his tail to his chest as he cried. His tears stung the cut everytime they made contact, only adding to the pain the young kit was suffering.

After a long 3-4 minutes of just sitting there, crying, the wound was slowly beginning to heal, but the kit was still crying his eyes out. It had never been this bad before... The kit looked at a picture on his bedside cabinet, it was a picture of him and his... dad, if he even deserved that title anymore... It was taken on his third birthday, and it was the only happy memory he shared with his dad... He looked at the broken picture next to it, a picture of his dad, and whom he presumed was his mother... He had no memory of her, no knowledge of who she was... The wind blew the door open ever-so slightly, but the sudden creak caused the fox to curl up tighter than what many would've thought possible. The young kit felt himself growing tired, and he somehow managed to pull himself into his bed, dragging the sheets over him like a curtain - more precisely, a shield. A shield from the darkness, a shield from the hate and abuse... From his dad.

The kit struggled to close his eyes, he didn't want to sleep, he couldn't sleep... He could hear the 'TV' as he had learned to call that magic light box that showed different drawings on in the living room, and the sounds were dull and dark... Horrible things that helped aid his nightmares when they went to destroy his soul. Finally, sleep became too much to bare, and he was forced - much to his dismay to close his eyes and rest. The 'sweet dreams' his father had once told him to have when he went to sleep were anything but that, instead he was being forced to relive some of the abuse he suffered - but this night, he was reliving the abuse he had only just suffered.

He found himself cowering in the corner of his bedroom, his dad no-where to be seen at the moment. The light was faint, shining through the crack underneath the door as the landing light flickered on and off with sparks and sizzling sounds. He could hear his dad downstairs in the living room, watching some form of scary movie. He felt his stomach rumble and growl as hunger panged his small frail body, and he let out a small whimper at the pain the lack of food was causing him. He heard the movie pause, and his dad beckon him down to him. Gingerly, the young kit got to his feet, that were threatening to collapse beneath his thin form, that had came about due to being deprived of food for the past week near enough. He struggled to open the door, pulling on it with all of his nearly non-existent strength, before making his way down the stairs, each step putting more pressure onto his weak legs. He made his way near the bottom as his legs gave way, causing him to fall down the last few steps, hitting the bottom with a thunk and a painful yelp.

"Pathetic" he heard his dad mutter, and it took him a good few moments before he found the will and energy to return to his feet, and continue on his short journey. He entered the living room, seeing his dad sitting on the couch, illuminated weakly by the flame of a dying candle. The curtains were drawn, and the only major source of light other than the dying candle was the TV screen. He walked up next to his dad - who upon percieving the presence of the young kit rose to his feet, bearing an expression of hatred and anger for the young kit - no love anymore... He looked down at his son, before speaking in a tone bearing the same emotions his eyes held.

"Pathetic... You're a pathetic excuse of a fox... You shouldn't even be here... It's because of you Amare died... She died giving birth to... You" he spoke bitterly, spitting out the 'you' as though it was poison to the tounge, while speaking of this Amare with more compassion. Not the moment the words left his mouth was the young kit in tears - despite not understanding many of the words and their meanings that were uttered to him, but from the tone in which they were spoken. The sight of tears falling from the four year olds eyes only infuriated the adult fox, causing him to slash his claws across the younglings left cheek, leaving a cut in the skin that soon after began to pour blood onto the carpet. The adult huffed in disapproval of the tears that fell from the kit, and that was the only signal the youngling needed to leave the presence of his father. He retreated back to his room of isolation, struggling to climb the stairs, his legs nearly giving way as he reached the top. He crawled into his room, before closing the door behind him and curling up against his bed.

The young boy awoke from his cursed slumber with a jolt of fear through his body. And he curled up on himself, fearing to close his eyes, and sniffling away the tears that were starting to form once again, for he dare'd not cry - in fear of more pain being bestowed upon him by his father.

AN: Hey guys, a new story for you guys to enjoy 'Contritum Caelum' A shoutout will be given in CH2 at the end for the first 5 reviews, follows or favourites on this story. Please enjoy this story, and leve your thoughts in a review. Also if you are reading my other stories - don't worry. None of them are going to be abandoned, and thankfully the writers block that had plagued me on my other stories is starting to dissipate... I'll try to get them all updated to make up for it... Bye guys.


	2. Chapter 2: School

Caelum shifted beneath the sheets, tossing and turning as he struggled to close his eyes. The cut along his cheek had sealed completely now, but a scar remained in it's place, a faint red line against his blood and tear stained grey fur. He brushed the scar, and even know the cut had sealed, it still stung when his frail paw ran over it. He thought about the little things he had in life, and how precious they seemed to him, despite understanding their purpose and meaning little on not at all.

He dreaded the forthcoming day of Monday, for he would be forced to return to school... And even there could he find no sanctuary from the harsh words or actions of others. Kits older than him had been bullying him the past week, picking on him and hitting him due to his frail form... The teachers didn't seem to either care or notice, and went about as though he was fine. He had no friends, unlike all the other kits and cubs of his class, and he was therefore isolated from interaction. He had soon picked up on himself being the only predatory species admist the prey kinds who were in his class, and was therefore - despite being visibly weak and unintimidating, was segregated from them due to fear - baring sharp fangs and knife like claws was enough to make many of the others cry at the sight of him, but those who didn't cry based on the fangs and claws cried because of the hideous state of his body, so thin that the bones of his skeleton were starting to become visible, and now it even pained him to speak or take a breath.

The sounds from the TV had now ceased, and he could hear movement from downstairs, before the landing light flickered as the switch was pressed, and he heard the creaking of the wooden stairs as his father made his way up them. He stifled all sounds as best he could, trying desperately to pretend as though he was now alseep. He heard the door to his room creak open. And he made no movement, not even to breath. A few moments later and the door creaked to a close with a small thud, before his dad departed for his own room.

The night passed away, and the young kit soon found himself being rudely awoken by his dad. To say he was surprised when his dad appeared to have breakfest ready - brought into the room - and a new set of clothes laid out for him would've been a massive understatement, and the young kit could not help but express the surprise by widening his amber eyes. He turned to face his dad, but he bore a stoic expression that hid his emotions. Without a word his dad then left the room, but his anger and frustration didn't appear to surround him and his actions this morning. Had maybe last's nights events changed his heart, and possibly brough back the father who use to think the world of him? Wasn't that wishful thinking?

With haste he ate his breakfest, already feeling himself being restored with new energy and vigor, but he still felt hungry. Once his breakfest was finished, he began to dress himself in his new clean clothes, struggling to do so as he had to learn this himself. It took him a long minute or two before he had managed to put on all of his clothes, that appeared thicker than normal, thankfully helping prevent the cold from attacking his body on this cold Monday, and as well as this appeared to camoflauge his skinny form. He walked down the stairs, yet even with the recent nourishment he had just recieved, each step still put pressure onto his legs, but now not so much. His dad stood waiting, still bearing the stoic expression. He took his son by his paw as he led him to the car, and helped him inside it, placing the seatbelt across his chest before admitting himself to the drivers seat. With a turn of the key and a rumble of the engine, they made their away along the road to the local school.

The car pulled up, and the dull brown fox got out of the car before going back to his son. He opened the door, undone the seatbelt and helped his son out of the car, before walking him inside. He released his sons paw, and crouching down uttered a few words that the young kit's ears could barely make out, before turning to speak with one of the teachers. After exchanging hushed words, he left with a wave, to the teacher or his son none could tell. None of that performace seemed out of the ordinary, as he ha always acted like a caring but struggling father in the presence of others, and the only real shocking event that morning was the breakfest and the clothes being laid out for him. He entered his classroom, instantly taking his place in the corner away from others, as the prey kinds began to wander in. He watched them interact with each other with a look of longing and jealousy, hearing their laughs and giggles at jokes he didn't understand, but still found amusing, yet he stilfed his laughs.

The students began to take up their seats, before the door opened and a young grey lapin stood in the light, before nevously making his way inside. The young boy looke towards his mother, who encouraged him with a few words and a loving embrace, in which the father soon joined. Departing from his parents embrace, the young lapin made his way inside the class, sitting at the back of the group and not making interaction.

The teaher then began to call out the names of the different students, but Caelum only paid attention to his own, and the name to which the new boy would respond to - hoping that he could be his first ever friend.

"Caelum Vulpus?" The teacher called, to which the fox responed with a weak and tired 'here' He took no notice of the other names, until he heard one that was new to him.

"Celica Mercury?" The teacher called again, recieving a nervous 'here' from the new rabbit.

Caelum took notice of the new rabbits name, but he pretended to appear uninterested. After the roll-call had been completed, the teacher began to teach the students basic maths, to which Caelum already hated.

Playtime came quickly for the group, but this was the time in school Caelum feared the most. He would always try to avoid everyone else, and would just end up hiding and cowering in the corner, but the bullies always seemed to find him, and today appeared no different, as Caelum yelped when an unexpected force made itself known against the side of his rib cage. The bullies uttered no words, and instead spoke threw their actions of kicking and punchin the four year old. The abuse from the older children always appeared to last most of playtime, and always went seemingly unnoticed by anyone, except today... Someone did notice... Celica... The newcomer saw the beating with his very eyes, and had wasted no time in reporting it to a teacher, who instantly dealt with the problem, dismissing all three boys directly to the head teacher. Celica helped Caelum back to his feet, and smiled when the fox spoke to him.

"Thank you..."

AN: And I'm gonna end this chapter there. Alrighty, now I said shoutouts to the first five reviews, and favourites, and here they are:

Shoutout to reviews goes to: Brainiac1013, fireblazer2000, Agent007.1, OneHitCracker, and Yhello

Shoutout to Favourites goes to: Brainiac1013, fireblazer2000, Yhello, awesomedestroyer2355, and Flaminlovedragon39

Shoutout once again to the first 3 reviews on this chapter, as well as a response to them. Enjoy and until next time, peace out.


	3. Chapter 3: AN - please read

Hey guys... I'm sure many of you want to know why I've failed to update any of my stories for a while now... I'm just writing this note to let you know to not expect much updates from me for a while... I've not been feeling to well lately... Anyway... Until I get better (hopefully very soon) you guys won't be seeing any updates from me... I hope you guys understand and please don't worry about me... I'm sure I'll be fine... Until I feel better... Farewell.


	4. Chapter 4: Two different lives

The school day was nearing its end, the time approaching 15:30. The teachers waited patiently with the children of their class as the parents began to arrive. Celica stood with Caelum near the back of their group, and the young rabbit took the time provided to them in an attempt to make idle conversation with the young fox, but he appeared pre-occupied with his thoughts. The small grey lapin had noticed Caelum's anxiousness and nervousness when the time for school's end drew near - yet he thought it was something simple - like his caring parent's actions once they learn of the assault inflicted upon him during playtime.

One by one the parents arrived to collect their children, who were dismissed once the teacher laid eyes of their parents. Celica noticed that many of the parents would make short conversation with the teacher, before bidding them a polite goodbye - and the friendliness brought a smile to his young eyes, though he didn't understand it much.

It had been a few agonizing seconds of silence between them when Celica finally laid eyes on his parents approaching, with a large dull brown furred fox behind them. He instantly presumed that the fox was Caelum's dad, but he saw no sign of the mother, yet his innocent mind made the assumption his mom was working, and unable to collect her son. He noticed the expression Caelum's father bore was pure happiness and love, but that soon changed to one of concern upon seeing his son and the expression the teacher's face held.

Celica ran up to her parents, and was soon in their loving and warm embrace. His father spoke a few words to the teacher, who responded in kindness, before addressing the adult fox in a tone of a more serious nature. The family of rabbits left to allow the conversation between the fox parent and teacher. As they got into their small bunny car, his mother spoke to him in a tone of gentleness and natural curiousity. "So how was your first day of school? Did you make any new friends?"

Celica responded in a tone of childish giddyness "It was fun, and I made a new friend"

The new revealation naturally aroused her parents curiousity, and his mother asked "Oh, and who might that be?"

"Caelum" Celica replied.

"And who is this Caelum?" His father questioned.

"The light grey fox I was standing next to" He responded innocently.

Both of Celica's parents felt a flood of natural fear for predators flood through their small forms, but they shook it off. It had been decades now since that time... Decades now since peace returned again to predators and prey - but many kinds of the former were still prejudiced based on the actions of their ancestors. Celica's father opened his mouth to speak, but there were no words uttered. Celica ignored his parents silence as they strapped him in, before driving off towards their house.

...

Caelum stood in silence as he listened to the words exchanged between the teacher and his 'father'. The young fox was shifting uncomfortably - and his nervousness did not go unnoticed by either adult.

"Don't worry son - I'll keep you safe. I promise you... I love you too much to let anyone hurt you and get away with it" Caelum heard his father lie.

The young fox soon felt his dad take hid paw with his own, before he was lifted onto his dads shoulders as the two adults finished their conversation. The group parted their seperate ways, and Caelum soon laid eyes on the grey car that had been the transport between the two nests of abuse. His father was acting kind, protective and loving infront of others - but behind the scenes - he was a horrid monster. The two foxes were soon in the car, and they were making their way back home.

The trip back home was silent, for Caelum dared not speak a single word. His small form shivered softly beneath the thick clothing that surrounded his body - helping prevent the cold, but only so far before it began to attack him through his light grey fur.

...

Celica laughed at a joke his dad had just made, before he shivered a little as the crisp cool air brushed against his fur.

"Cold son?" His father asked as he noticed the small lapin shiver, and turned on the radiator to dissipate the cold air from the car. The small young lapin gazed out the window at the scenery - the flowers, their petals tainted with many different bright colours as they swayed in the gentle breeze. The heavenly glow of the sun had fallen across the ground - making the small spots of snow that had at some point occured in the cold weather, glisten.

The family of rabbits soon pulled up outside their house, a small burrow that housed the three spaciously. The front garden was well kept, and the interior was just as clean. The three entered, and Celica instantly found himself swept up onto his dads shoulders with a laugh. The two boys ran inside the living room, before they began laughing and playing around - while his mom went ahead to get changed out of her work uniform. Celica pushed his fathers paws away as he used them to ticke his stomach - earning breathless giggles of pure joy from his son in reward. The time had passed rather rapidly, and soon the family was eating their dinner infront of the small fireplace in the burrow.

...

Caelum entered the house with his father close behind. The house was dull in colour and empty of vibrance. The landing lights flickered non-stop on and off with sparks and sizzling sounds - but it was ignored. Caelum looked into the living room, and gazed for a split second at the image paused on the screen before he turned away with a horrified yelp, but the actions of the young kit helped increase the boiling venom of abuse that coursed throughout his veins.

"Go to your room" was all Caelum heard uttered,and he instantly retired up the stairs into his room at the end of the hall as the TV below resumed the movie it was playing. The young grey kit sealed the door shut behind him in a partly successful attempt to block out all the dull dark sounds coming from the TV screen.

AN: Hey guys! Yea as you probably guessed from this update that I'm starting to feel better - granted I'm not 100% my normal self, but I'm more than well enough to handle my stories. Also I wanna give anyone and everyone a massive thank you for wishing me to get better, and also those of you who have been reading my stories from start to finish.

Anyone, onto review responses

thewildeside: Thanks for your kind comment - I've been constantly trying to improve my writing skills since the day I first started FanFiction - and I'm glad your enjoying the story so far

That lil Fox: Agreed my friend - Poor Caelum. He really doesn't have it good for such a young boy does he? And as for whether Celica is going to be Caelum's friend or not - you'll have to bwait and find out that one won't you :)

Guest: Yes, Celica does seem nice - after all it is his introductory chapter - yet I have to say, I don't understand so much where the *wink wink* thing came from.


	5. Chapter 5: Visiting Celica

Three long, slow, painful years had passed, and not much in Caelum's life had changed. Infact, it had gotten even worse. His father was abusing him even more, the students at school continued to bully him, beat him up daily - and it seemed as though if the teachers caught one group, there would always be others to take their place. Caelum had at least in those few years managed to get better at defending himself, yet the young fox would lose most fights because of his weakness - caused by the constant physical abuse and malnutrition by his father.

One plus had came from all of this - one light against the darkness... Celica... The small grey lapin who he had first made friends with, the first to not judge him, to not abuse him... The first to respect him... Celica - in the past few months in paticular had helped this fox, he had looked out for him and stood up for him against the smaller bullies, but the larger ones he backed down from out of complete fear. Celica had no knowledge of the abuse Caelum suffered at home - and the fox was determined to keep it that way.

The rabbit and his family had met Caelum's father, and he - in their eyes at least - looked like a father who was struggling to cope...struggling to care for both himself and his son - and appeared to still be fighting constant grief at the loss of his mate... Only one of those things were true - the adult fox was still sometimes fighting with grief at the memory when he lost Amare, but gained his 'son'...more precisely - his punch bag. Celica's family was such a caring and loving one, a mom AND a dad who both thought the world of their son, and Caelum desired the feeling to be loved, to be adored and wanted by parents so much. They had offered to help look after Caelum, seeing how good friends he and their son had became - and his dad was surprisingly rejoiced to hear the offer, and so was Caelum.

Tonight was a half cloudy half clear sky, the sun's rays breaking through the cracks in the white mists of the blue ocean up above, and Caelum was making his way down towards Celica's house - who surprisingly didn't live too far away. The streets were kind of empty, the odd anthro here or there, and all in all the street was queit and calm. Caelum's father had been made aware that his 'son' was to be spending a few nights round Celica's - and he was oddly relieved about it - but Caelum had his suspicions about his fathers happiness regarding his absence. 'Drugs and alcohol' being the primary ones. Caelum darted his eyes around him, he had little of value on him - other than his phone his dad had got him last year for his birthday for a reason beyond Caelum's knowledge. He noticed a group approaching, their faces all concealed by dark blue hoodies, and the group of four appeared rather intimidating, and Caelum's fear was well placed. As soon as the group made contact with him, they dragged him round into the alley way, saying nothing and instead just beating him up for no reason what-so-ever, without even taking his phone.

Caelum got to his feet after they left, and noticed that his injuries and bruises were well hidden by his fur. Shaking it off - or trying to - he continued making his way towards Celica's house, and no later than 10 minutes was he been let in with a warm welcome from the rabbit family."Hey Caelum!" Celica called as he made his way downstairs. "Beginning to think you bailed out on me - you're late. Everything ok?"

"Yea, everythings fine." Caelum responded, though speaking put slight strains on his physical form due to its weakness. Celica appeared to overlook that indicator though, and appeared to have believed him. The small lapin gave a friendly smile, which Caelum struggled to return. The two friends soon made their way upstairs, and began talking and sharing jokes and laughs. Celica heard his mother beckon him downstairs, and the rabbit and fox both went down to find dinner on the table, a veggie salad and a pred meal for the two. The group sat in a comfortable quietness, Caelum sometimes offering a compliment and a 'thank you' to both the rabbit parents.

Once the family had finished, Caelum and Celica both waited patiently before they were dismissed, and Caelum offered to help clean up."Oh no it's all right Caelum, you go on ahead upstairs" Celica's mother dismissed the fox.

"Hey Caelum, you go on up stairs, I'll see you in a sec" Celica told the fox as he began to pour himself and Caelum a drink. The fox quickly made his way back up stairs, glancing around nervously before quickly peeking at the object he had pulled out of his pocket, a small knife that was definitely sharp enough to cut through the skin without much trouble. The blade itself was stained with blood, fresh and old. The fox had been cutting for the best of a year now, and beneath his fur his skin was crawling with the cuts and their faint scars they had left behind. Making his way back into the room, he closed the door behind him, taking the knife out of his pocket and holding it in his paws, just staring at it. It was...weird to him - hurting himself, seemed to help him, make him feel better... It just, had that effect on him - something he never understood.

Celica was making his way up the stairs of the house, a drink in each of his paws - one for Caelum and himself. Opening the door, the lapin gasped in shock when he noticed the spots of blood everywhere, and the lapin instantly placed the drinks to the side before making his way infront of Caelum, looking the fox dead in the eyes.

Caelum looked back at Celica, his eyes full of pain, loneliness, of not truly belonging anywhere.. The foxes gaze silently pleaded Celica to tell no-one, and the rabbit reluctantly agreed... He wanted to tell his parents, or maybe even Caelum's dad - but he couldn't bring himself to betray his closest friend like that.

"Caelum? How...how long you been doing this?" Celica asked, his voice portraying obvious concern.

"Almost a year," Was the response he recieved, in a tone of dullness and hurt.

The small lapins eyes widened at the news, his best friend had been hurting himself for nearly a year, and he never noticed it.

"Why though?"

"I don't know... It just makes me feel better." Caelum's response was littered with obvious confusion at his own answer - he never understood it himself...but he continued to do it. It was something to vent his emotions, his anger, sadness, and even depression - they were all transferred into the actions of slicing the blade against his own flesh, and letting the blood calmly, slowly, almost gracefully drip out of the wound. "I guess I just want to be noticed, and loved" Caelum whispered the last part ever-so-quietly - yet the rabbits keen hearing picked it up.

"You are loved - you have so many friends who adore you..."

"Who?" Caelum interrupted, without meaning to.

"Well, there's me, Jack, Lauren, Chelsea, James..."

"But thats just you, I want to be noticed and loved by a family, by my dad." Caelum unintentionally disclosed, regretting it instantly when he realised the words that had left his mouth. "You didn't hear that."

"Yes I did buddy, I'm sorry Caelum, but I just don't think I can keep this a secret. You should tell someone, tell your dad..."

"No, I don't wanna tell my dad... His part of the reason I cut" Caelum whispered out the last part of this statement, hoping that his friends acute hearing would not pick it up.

"Ok, I get that, kind of. You can still tell my mom or my dad, they love you, you know that right?" Celica offered. "You can't keep it secret Caelum, you need to tell an adult."

Caelum looked towards Celica, his eyes were wide with uncertainty and fear, and the glowing orbs were silently asking whether Celica would be beside him. The rabbit assured his vulpine friend with a nod, and even placed his hand reassuringly upon Caelum's own. A few seconds passed before Caelum pulled his hand away with a slight blush evident in his features, and he decided to take Celica's advice and talk to his parents, ignoring the fear of what could happen as a consequence of this - yet it was something he was willing to risk if it meant freeing him of his demons that corrupted and controlled his life - breaking his soul and spirit and leaving him a broken and destroyed fox - fearing every coming second and feeling as though death was his only chance of freedom.

AN: I know it's been a while since you guys and girls seen an update here, and I'm really sorry. I've been busy with my exams. As well as this, I was having alot of trouble in my personal life with the people I thought I could trust (but I was obviously wrong about most of them) and it has taken an effect on my creativity, and my will to carry on with anything. I won't bore you or depress you with the details, but I will let you guys know this - the next few chapters are going to take longer to be done, purely because there will be parts in them that are related to myself, or a very close friend of mine whom I will not disclouse the name of. So yea, just a request, please be more a little more patient (I know that might sound insane considering how patient you already are) because the next few chapters are gonna be more personal to me and that friend of mine.


	6. Chapter 6 - Author's Notice

Massive apolgy to each and everyone of you loyal readers of mine... I was needing to take a break from everything... because lately - my life has been really dark... I've not really had anything good... And well - I was - at times... beginning to question why I bother to keep living... I've felt like all I've done, is burden people with being there, is drive people away... I've felt like all I don't have a life worth living... Lately, I've been depressed, feeling lonely and isolated... Sure I have some people in my life I can talk to, but... I don't know... Well, the thing is right now I'm still down in my spirits... So... Yea, there wont be an update for a little while longer... How long depends on how long I feel like this... Hope you guys all understand...


	7. Chapter 7: Talking

He shook from the fear and nervousness that flooded through his viens and body. His vision had gone blurry, and his hearing became muffled. What was once clear words were now barely understandable as Celica talked with his parents. He knew what they were talking about, but it helped very little. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to tell them, what if it got out? What if people at school found out? What if school found out? What if...his dad found out? He never wanted people to think he was weak - he always tried to keep a front up - hiding his pain, fear, isolation, but that front was breaking down.

He wiped the tears that blurred his vision, clearing it up and seeing the world more clearly once again. The dark, painful world in which he suffered. The knife lay on the floor beside him, the blade stained with his blood, his paw dripping the crimson liquid. He had already cut himself in the time Celica left him, and his eyes looked at it, weighing the only two - in his eyes - possiblities it brought him. More pain, or a quick cut and freedom. Giving up, it sounded so easy, so quick, so...free, but at the same time so scary, so weak... Did he really want that? 'I don't know what I want anymore...'

"Caelum?" A female voice called up the stairs, but he made no response. Instead, he gripped the handle of the item that could grant the freedom he craved. He wanted to do it, but at the same time he thought about how little of his life he had lived - how much he still could have. Who knew? Maybe the future held happiness, maybe, his dad would change, become the dad he used to be. Maybe he'd make real friends, true friends he could confide in, who knew - he might even find someone to call his mate in the far future. Could he waste those chances on certain freedom? How could he even be sure ending it would grant him freedom?

The door opened, and Caelum turned to the family of three rabbits that stood there. Sorrow, pity, confusion, many emotions were evident in there eyes, but one that stood out, the look of determination. With shaky steps, Celica approached. The young rabbit was scared, it was obvious - here they were, three rabbits, and a fox armed with a knife whose soul was so broken he could do something he'd regret at any moment. Grabbing the paw that gripped the blades handle, he ever-so-gently took it from his grasp. "Caelum?" He whispered. "Mom and dad are here, you can talk to them you know."

His eyes held uncertainty - could he really talk to them? "I don't know..."

"Caelum, I promise you - you're safe. You can trust us." His mom walked forwards before crouching down infront of him. It hurt her - seeing him in as much distress and pain as he was. Caelum, he was like a son to them, a brother to Celica. They loved him - he was always a bubbly lively soul, always trying to have fun and make them smile... But now, he was so broken... "How long have you been doing this?" She gestured to the dripping cuts.

"Best of a year he said." Celica spoke up after Caelum held his tounge, not wanting to speak. "Come on Caelum, you told me you'd talk to them. I'm here bro."

"Look... Just forget about it - I'm...I'm fine" He lied through his teeth, he was FAR from fine.

"Caelum, you obviously aint. No one should be feeling this way, especially someone as young as you. C'mon, tell me - you can trust me. Is it to do with your dad?"

"W...w...w...what?" The young fox couldn't believe it - how on earth did she link it to his dad so quickly. "N..no...no of course not..." His stuttering gave his lie away.

"It is... I knew there was something a little off about it... The brusies on your arm were the big giveaway. Caelum, what else has he done to you? We need to know."

His eyes flashed towards Celica, silently asking for reassurance. "We're here for you."

"His... hit me... But it was just that one time... I swear... He hasn't ever hurt me before..." The fear of what could happen if he told the truth helped him keep his nerves under control, ensuring he didn't stutter and the lie he told sounded more true that his previous attempt, and, luckily for him, they seemed to fall for it.

"Why?"

"He was angry and upset about Mom, and he just hit me... He told me he was sorry, that he never meant to... It was just a mistake" It felt so wrong to him, lying to those who cared for him, but he couldn't find the courage to burden them with the truth. He wouldn't burden them - they didn't need to know. How long could he keep it all secret? All his life if he had to. "Look, I don't want to talk about this... Its nothing I swear"

"Self-harm isn't nothing Caelum. Anthro's have died from it, and we don't want to hear that you have too. Caelum you're like a son to us, a brother to Celica. We don't want to see you broken like this, we want to see the Caelum that we ended up loving - the bubbly, funny, kind and polite young fox that always brought a smile to us." She wrapped her arms around him, much like a mother would do for her crying kits when they were scarred or sad. Soon after both Celica and his dad joined in with the hug, causing Caelum to return it, even allowing a smile to grace his features. Could this be the start of a bright future? He highly doubted that whoever decided his fate would show him mercy.


	8. Chapter 8: Time for a change

There he sat, alone in his bedroom as the storm raged beyond the window. His eyes looked out beyond the glass barrier, the rain flooding down it and distorting the outside world. Nothing was going right for him... Somehow, they had found out at school he had cut, which led to a beating from his dad for being 'weak', a beating which nearly blinded him in his left eye. Yet... something was different lately about his dad. He seemed, distant, almost scared. Had the police nearly found him out? Would explain why, after that beating, his been TRYING to act like a dad again. Climbing off his bed, he walked over to his body length mirror and looked at himself in it. He was nowhere near as skinny as he used to be, seeing as how Celica's parents always had so much food, and his dad had, lately, stopped practically starving him.

Now, he was actually healthy, physcially atleast, but his mentality was damaged, seemingly beyond ever being rebuilt completely. In his new usual attire he now sported tracksuits that were a good fit, light grey and warm, and either a matching grey top or a blue-grey one, but rarely, he sometimes chose to keep himself free of a top, it was irritating on his fur, yet it wasn't a bad sight for admiring females or males. Thanks to the change in food and diet, and doing some basic exercise, he now had a lightly toned lithe frame, faintly visible and defined muscles. Infact, he had actually had a girl come up to him and talk to him, offering a compliment about his physique. She had been going to his school, and they had began to form a bond... Then he found out she moved school because she was getting bullied and harassed by other girls.

As of right now, he was without a top, wanting to see how the claw marks on his chest - to see how well they were healing. Not well enough... His dad was out right now - but he couldn't tell whether to be thankful or not. He didn't understand the mentality of his father; abuse him and treat like an actual son. But what he did know was that he liked the caring side of his dad. That caring side actually gave him another reason to live, despite the abusive side - when his dad was, well, a proper dad to him, it was the best feeling. The claw marks were not from him, but from Caelum's own paw. He growled, emotions he had been bottling up for weeks, months even, were starting to surface - anger and hatred being the primary ones. He clenched his right paw, looking at the fist that formed before facing the mirror. In a sudden burst of strength and fury, he swung his paw directly into his mirror, shattering everything that reflected his body above his waist, or in other words, the top half of the mirror. Cracks ran down the reflective surface of the remaining glass, the shards litering the floor all around him. His right paw, bleeding profusely was now pressed against his chest, staining his fur with blood. He didn't feel the pain, the anger numbed it, but he still felt the blood as it flowed from the cut viens. Looking at the wound instinctively he noticed a shard of glass buried deep into his paw, one that he'd never get out himself.

Tenderly, he grabbed the bandages he kept hidden in his room and encased his bleeding paw in them, careful steps to avoid the shards. "I didn't like that mirror anyway" He mumbled half-heartedly, lowering his body and, with extreme care, began to clean away the mess. He wasn't concerned in the slightest about his dad's reaction, he already knew how it'd play out. His dad would come home either drunk or high, see the mirror, not understand and leave, then the next day - or any other day after - he wouldn't even notice the mirror. One thing to say about his dad though, he was definitely loyal to his mate. Even so long after she passed away, he hasn't even looked at another female in an affectionate way. A knock at the door drew his attention, ears perked up in surprise. It didn't come from Celica, he knew for certain, it sounded stronger, higher up, like an adult dog. With silent movements - after hastily putting on a top and hiding his injured paw better, he crept downstairs and took a glance through the window at those outside, and the sight made his heart stop. Two German Shepherds in police uniform, one male and one female, stood awaiting him to answer. With nervousness causing him to shake violently he approached and, with a shaking paw, gripped the door, unlocked it, and opened it.

"Wheres your mommy little one? The female questioned after recovering from her surprise.

"She's at work" He lied through his teeth, but he couldn't bring himself to tell the truth. She wasn't even alive...

"What's your name?" She knelt down on his level, unnerveing him.

"C-Caelum" His nervousness skyrocketed with each word. What did the police want? What were they going to do?

"Caelum, thats a beautiful name for a handsome young male like yourself" Compliments seemed to help ease his anxiousness, something she picked up on.

"Tha-thanks" he laughed awkwardly, bringing a smile to her face, before he unwillingly complimented her. "You're pretty, like my mommy" His cheeks flustered red, and he turned on the spot nervously as she giggled softly, but all too suddenly her face became sad, the mood becoming serious. Now his heart began to race.

"Caelum... We're here to tell you... That well... You're dad's collapsed.. His been taken into hospitle." Her voice was so soft, so caring, it helped take some of the weight of her words off of him. Collapsed? Hospitle? Dad? What?

His body began to shake, his tail falling limp as he processed this. What did that mean? What was he going to do? He couldn't survive alone for longer than a day... Wait... Could Celica and his family help? He was in walking distance from them. After the police were gone, he'd pack some stuff and walk over to them. Hopefully they could help... Noticing he had gone quiet, and was still shaking visibly, the female German Shepherd gently wrapped her arms around him, humming a soft tune into his ear to ease his fear - much like a mother would do to her baby when he or she was scared.

It seemed to work, for against her chest he rested his head - and listened to her heart beat, soothing, calming - not understanding how awkward it was for her. Gently pulling his head from her chest, and relieving herself of the awkwardness, she handed to him a piece of paper she removed from her breast pocket. Written upon it was a number, her phone number to be precise, and he looked at it, then her confused. She gestured to her colleague and made a motion for him to leave them be, which he did reluctantly, then she turned to face him with a serious but compassionate glare.

"I'm Courtney, your moms best friend, Caelum... I was with her and your dad at the birth..." Now he was terrified. His lie had been caught out, she knew his mom was gone... But did she know about the abuse? About how his dad was? Hopefully not. She reached out, gently taking hold of his arms. "This is the first time I've seen you since you turned three. I came to your birthday's, then work got the better of me. Lost touch with your dad for a good long while, only recently got back in touch with him." She sighed and paused. So thats why his dad was trying to change? Because of her? "If you ever need me, if theres anything I can do for you, just give me a call. I'll be round as quick as I can."

He was violently shaking, terrified of what was going to happen... Something Courtney hated. Guiding her paws soothingly down the sides of his trembling body, she grasped his small paws in her own and held them tightly. "I know that your scared Caelum, but you dont need to do. The hospital will take the very best care for your dad, and I can take you back to my place while his in."

"B-b-but h-h-how will I get to school?" He fretted, worried that he might not be able to see Celica for a long time.

Still holding his paws, she shushed his fretting form. "Don't worry about school, I'll explain to Chief Bogo 'Buffbutt'" The nickname did bring a smile to the sky grey males face, something she mirrored. "You're worried about your friend Celica aren't you? You're dad told me all about how good friends you were with the rabbit, how he was your first friend. Dont worry, I actually dont live too far from him myself, so if u ever wanna go see him, just let me know. Now... You wanna come home with me now?" He hesitantly nodded in agreement. "Go get some clothes to last today and tomorrow, we can come back for the rest, you're dad gave me the key when I saw him at the hospitle."

As Caelum left to gather some possessions, Courtney phoned Bogo to explain her new situation. "Hey Buffbutt"

"I said don't call me that..." Courtney cut him off before he could make a rebuttal comment. She didn't see what people had against the chief for being stubborn and so serious all the time, once you got to know him, he was actually a rather cool guy.

"Yeah, anyway, I'm calling because I need to just tell you that I'm gonna be late on my shifts for a while, and any chance I can take the rest of the day off? I'm looking after my best-friends son, his dads in hospitle and his mom... You know what happened to her... Anyway, I could probably fill you in better tomorrow, gonna take Caelum and help him get settled in at my place."

"Ok, sure, I'll keep that in mind, puffy-tail."

"My tail is not puffy!" He hung up after making his rebuttal, much to her annoyance. Her tail wasn't puffy, right? Now that she looked at it... Maybe, maybe he had a point? Thankfully Caelum just finished gathering the stuff he'd need for the first few days, and was ready to go with her. Taking his paw, somehow still unaware of his injury, - to his relief - she gently pulled him closer to her, sealing the door and locking it behind them both. "We gotta drop Adam off at the station, but Bogo said I can take the rest of the day off" Caelum nodded, looking at the police car with mized emotions that voiced similar thoughts.

"Time for a change"


	9. Chapter 9: A New Future

**_AN: Dear Contrite's, before you begin reading any further, I just wish to warn you that in the near to semi-distant future, this story will be changing to Mature 'M' rating, for some chapters can contain more detailed scenes of a violent, depressing, abusive and self-harming nature. Any chapters containing this type of content will be appropriately marked with a warning author's note, as well as a small interjectory warning in Bold both before and after those specific scenes should you wish to avoid them. If you are not comfortable reading these scenes, then please, feel free to avoid them and skip the marked sections of writing._**

~Courtney's Home~

The police car pulled out beyond the small house, and from the road it turned up onto the domains driveway. Back seat of the vehicle was the sky grey fox, laying asleep against the backrest of the smooth fabric, in comfort within the realm that was his subconscious imagination. The female at the wheel stepped out after removing her belt and withdrawing her keys from the transports ignition, before stepping back and opening Caelum's door, noting the young vulpine was sleeping soundly, she unclipped his seatbelt and carried him into the house, shutting the door of both the car and her home with he left foot-paw. A soft smile was plastering itself upon her muzzle as she carried the young one to his bedroom to be, however said smile instantly dropped as she took into account how bare the room actually was. Her home was a small two-bedroom house, and she had never had to use the spare.

"Guess I'm sleeping on the couch" It bothered her little, for Caelum was the bigger importance. She had been really close to his mom, closer than possibly anyone else, save his father, and her death had hit them both hard in its own way. She dealed with it by way of using all her will to block out the reality of her passing, but she was unsure of how his dad handled the grief. Stepping into her bedroom, she laid the sleeping fox down to bed and covered him up with her blanket. Her room was mildly decorated, with some white and black paw-print wallpaper, a double bed - currently all decorated with a Sahara brown bedset - even though she lived alone, and a second door which connected to the en-suite bathroom. Once he was covered, and sleeping soundly, she proceeded downstairs to begin making some food for her and him, some sythentic meats for the both. It was a wonder, the things Zootopian food scientists could develop, sythentic meat for the predatory and carniverous species of the planet, that was completely unharming to the consumers, and tasted amazing.

Food cooking, she took her time to relax on the sofa in her connected living-room, her ears twitching with her nose occasionally as she heard the food sizzle or pop ocassionally. The heat from the kitchen, coupled with her police uniform and the rest of the warmth the house generated was proving a little infuriating for her to handle, and she decided to change into something more reasonable for being at home. Remembering Caelum was still in there, she ensured he was still asleep before she fully entered and retrieved better clothing before leaving and changing, then going to check on the food. She heard the soft pat of paws on her bedroom carpet, and the opening of her door as Caelum made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Need any help?" He offered, but she kindly declined his request.

"No thanks, Caelum, I got this, it'll be a while, why don't you go have a shower? It'll liven you up a bit, you seem a little distracted and tired. It's upstairs, just go through the door in my bedroom to find it."

"Oh ermm, ok, sure" He nodded and made his way back upstairs and into the en-suite bathroom, sighing sadly upon noticing there was no lock on it. It was your standard bathroom, only complete with a fancy shower and glass door. He was reluctant to shower, for one reason only, well, two reasons, but one was bigger than the other. He didn't want her to notice the cut - how would he explain it? Would he lie and say it was an accident? Or would he tell her the truth? Trying to calm himself, he stripped and climbed into the shower, washing the dried spots of blood, and the occasional spot of dirt out of his delicate fur, being extra mindful of the many small cuts and brusies that lay now almost unnoticeable across the surface of his chest and stomach. Supressing and a irritated hiss and painful whimper when he applied soap that stung his cut, he tried his best to avoid his injured paw as best he couldAs the time passed, soon approaching dusk, Caelum ate in a comfortable silence at the dinner table with Courtney, savouring the taste of the food she had prepared for them both. Quickly, however, the silence began to unnerve him, and he opted for some form of conversation with his guardian instead of the quiet and stillness of the room they ate in. "Ermm Cou-Courtney?"

"Yes Caelum?"

"Where am I going to sleep? Like, is there a second bedroom?"

"Well, yes and no"

"I don't f-follow"

"Yes there's another bedroom, but you're not sleeping in there because it's literally empty, it doesn't even have a bed.. Hmm not really a bedroom com e to think of it.. Anyway, until I can get you a bed sorted, you can sleep in my bed"

"Ok, with you?"

With a blush flushing to her cheeks she laughed nervously at the young one's assumption, then quickly composed herself and clarified the information she assumed was unspokenly clear. "No, we're not going to be sleeping in the same bed together Caelum.. Thats just.. Not cool. I'm sleeping on the couch in the living room"

Caelum nodded in understanding but also confusion glinted in his eyes at her nervous reaction and the red tint that adorned her fur at her cheeks. Noting both plates were finished, he got up and collected both plates before taking them over to the sink and beginning to wash them before Courtney could even say a word in protest.

"I'll handle these, you should go take a shower, you smell like you haven't had one for two months" Caelum joked softly with a smile, to which Courtney responded in mock offense.

"How dare you, I'll have you know I had a shower yesterday, and two days before that. I smell lovely" then, she pretended to sniff her scent "I smell ok" another fake sniff "Nope you're right I stink" She joked back, before getting up and walking to the kitchen door, turning back before she left "You gonna be ok?" She sounded alot more genuine this time, no joking about whether he'd need her to come to the rescue or something like that, like she was genuinely concerned about his well-being. Caelum looked back, and nodded with a smile that told her the answer that she wanted to hear, which brought a smile to grace her own maw before she walked off upstairs, and for possibly the first time, Caelum found himself smiling a genuine smile that stayed with him even after Courtney could no longer see it - instead of the fake one he was accustomed to forcing upon his features..

"There's always hope Caelum"


	10. Chapter 10: Don't, Please Don't

~Caelum's POV~

While my dad was far from the best, or even a good dad at all at times, I still loved him more than anything. He was my only family, I never had siblings, and I technically didn't have a mom either. He may have been abusive sometimes, violent and rude, but I never doubted that deep down he still loved me. For a fox my age I was more intelligent that others, knowing roughly what drugs were, and what some types could do to a persons mindset. My dad took some, but even then, he always told me not to do what he does. Despite everything, he still wanted me to grow up and live a good life, not like his.. I didn't know anything about my dad, his life. Courtney was taking me to see him, after a week now.. He had only just woke up, and he was asking for me.

The drive was short and quick, atleast to me it felt like that, and before I was aware of it we were already at the hospital. There were other animals wandering in and out, and my eyes darted between the different speices, spotting a family of three foxes walking to a car, the younger one, a red/orangey fox, wearing a light green top and grey trousers sporting a cast over his left arm. 'Ouch' An internal wince at the thought of the pain a broken bone could feel like, most I'd ever injured myself was cutting my paw partly open when I broke my mirror, somehow Courtney was still non-the-wiser about it. Thankfully she wasn't. I had no memory of ever going to a hospital, I had no idea what to expect, but I wasn't scared. I followed Courtney to the room where dad was, ignoring everything around me for the duration of the short walk. Courtney stepped in first, while I remained outside the room. Honestly, I was a little scared, but she told me I could wait out here until I was ready. I mean, I didn't know what to expect. It took only a minute or two before Courtney walked out, smiling as she looked down to my smaller form. "His asking for you Caelum. He wants to see you, and just you.. Don't worry, you'll be fine."

I gulped, stepping pass the grown female into the room. What I saw shook me. My dad on the bed, he looked, so broken, so scared, so weak. I'd never seen him like this, but when he saw me, his eyes lit up and he smiled like he used to smile. I walked up closer to him, climbing ontop of a chair next to the bed so I could see him better. I'd never seen my dad like this. "You...came" He wheezed out, and I swore on everything that there was a tear in his eye. "You.. Actually came to...see me."

I couldn't help but give him a weak, but genuine smile. "Of course I did dad" His eyes lit up when I said dad. This was a side of him I'd never seen, but I was both liking it and hating it.

"Even...after everything I've done... How much I've hurt you.. You still see me as your dad?" I nodded, not trusting my voice; even the silent response was still enough to bring happiness into his eyes. Of course he was still my dad. "Son..." His tone dropped, faltering, laced with fear. "I'm scared." That word, coming from him shook me to my core, a word I'd never thought I'd ever hear him say to describe himself. Not knowing what to say, I just threw myself over the top of him and hugged him, feeling his arms weakly wrap around me and hold me. His embrace, even as weak as it was, still made me feel safe, made me feel like his son again. I didn't speak, I didn't trust my voice, but eventually I found myself sobbing quietly; I tried so hard to stiffle my sobs, afraid I'd dissappoint him, but instead he just held me. "It's ok.. It's ok Caelum.." I heard weak sobs of his own. "It's ok... Everything will be ok... I know you probably don't believe that, coming from an abusive pathetic father like me... But I promise.. Courtney will take good care of you, she's... The mom you never had. I've been in here... Even though not long, I've been lying here hating myself.. Thinking about how I treated you.. I didn't know how to grieve for mom... But beating you, abusing you wasn't the way.. And if I could turn back the clock I would in a heart beat, I'd be a better dad." He paused and sobbed a little, me doing the same. I didn't want to speak, I didn't know what to say, so I remained silent. "I'm so fucking sorry.."

"I forgive you dad.. I love you"

"I do... as well son.. I love you more than my own life.. I know I've never really shown it, but I do... I just.. Wanted you to know before it was too late.."

"W-w-w-what? W-w-wh-what d-d-do y-you m-mean t-to-too late?" I choked back a sob and faltered with my words.

"Caelum... I'm dying.. I don't know how long I've got.. If I'm lucky, I might be able to leave the hospital and spend my last days with you and Courtney... But there's no preventing it... They can't treat me... They can't save me, I'm dying and no-one can do anything for me.. It's up to whatever Gods or Higher Entities that decide our fates how long I have..." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I only understood what he meant by dying, but that was enough to completely crush my heart and shatter my soul. I sobbed into his chest, grabbing his fur and clutching to him, refusing to let him go. He IS MY DAD. His paw pushed up my face slightly so I could see him, a weak smile on his face with tears in his eyes, as he wiped away my own tears. "Remember what daddy always said... The real daddy who loved you.. Not the drunk, high on drugs piece of shit... Straighten up, sharpen those claws, bare those fangs, and just tell yourself 'you can't break the sky'... You know you're name means sky... It was the only word you mom ever said.. During your birth..." A smile played on his lips. "She didn't swear once during the entire birth, she just kept saying 'c'mon sky.. c'mon sky' seriously thinking she was having a girl" he released a sob.. "She never even got to see that she had a boy... A beautiful champion fox... I always told her we were gonna have a boy, a boy we'd call Caelum.. And we did... She just... Wasn't there to see it."

My sobs had long since died out, but I still continued crying silently in his chest. The room grew quiet, save for the sounds of hospital equipment.. Then a rather loud, distraught and angry feminine voice started screaming outside. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HIS FUCKING DYING!"

"Sound's like someone told Courtney. I'd cover your ears.. She tends to curse ALOT when she's mad." He chuckled weakly, as if recalling a memory.

"FUCK OFF HIS DYING AND WE CAN'T HELP HIM BULLSHIT.. THAT IS MY FRIEND IN THERE! AND HIS SON! FUCK OFF WITH THE BULLSHIT! FUCKING SAVE HIS GODDAMN MOTHER-FUCKING LIFE AND STOP STANDING OUT HERE LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT LISTENING TO ME FUCKING SCREAMING AND SHIT! DO SOMETHING!"

"I actually feel sorry for whoever that is out there... Courtney's a great girl but she's really prone to her anger." Speaking of the female German Shepherd, she walked inside the room, fur visibly tinted a light red from anger, but her eyes looked full of tears. Her body was shaking slightly, as if she'd crumble down any second. It was such a different contrast to the raging girl they just heard. Not a word was exchanged, and before I knew it Courtney threw herself into the embrace and cried.

"Don't...You can't fucking die... Not you as well... Please... We fucking need you here.. Caelum needs you... Please.. Please please.. Please, don't fucking go.. Don't you dare fucking go!"

"I..can't make that promise Courtney.. But there is a promise you can make to me.."

"A-a-a-anything"

"Look after Caelum... Take care of him..."

"I'd treat him like he was my own son.. I promise.. I'll take the best care of him I can."

"I don't doubt it... She always said to me you'd make for a perfect mom.. I don't doubt you'll be anything short of perfect... But Courtney... I can't stay with you and Caelum here forever... I'm...being pulled from this world for a reason... I...I'll finally get to see her again... You were always like a sister to me... That big sister I never had, even though we're not that much different age wise... Thank you...so much, for giving me a chance... To win her heart..."

"She was my like my little sister... I wanted her to be happy.."

"Yeah... I remember... I haven't forgotten just how protective of her you were...I still remember the threat you made if I ever hurt her... You know I'd never hurt her..."

"To rip your balls off, ram them up your arse on a knife, then force them down your throat and shoving another knife up your ass, while ramming one into where your balls used to be" Even I shuddered at the sound of her threat, and I didn't really know what she actually meant.. "You know.. I would've actually hurt you really bad if she came to me crying because you hurt her or let her get hurt... Thank fuck you were honest to your word... Even now, seven years later.. You're still loyal to her and her alone...But don't you dare fucking die on me... Not when we need you... C'mon... You survived last time for me and her... Surely you can survive this time for me and Caelum." Tears were still freely flowing down her face.

"I got lucky last time... Trust me Courtney... I don't want to die.. I wan't to stay with my son.. Raise my son... I want to live still... I'm already fighting to keep my eyes open.. I want to live as long as I can.. Do as much as I can for Caelum... Before I die and get reunited with her..."

"Don't...fucking go...please...don't fucking die...you can't" I heard her words, so weak and fragile, tired as she seemed to cry herself to sleep with one last desperate beg to him.. I felt my eyes grow heavy as well; drifting asleep were I lay in my dads embrace, noticing he had wrapped one arm around Courtney to comfort her..

"Don't die.. Dad"


	11. Chapter 11: No, not this time

**So, as can now be seen, Contritum Caelum is now "M" rated, and this chapter is the first chapter with the more mature changes. The following chapter does contain hints/thoughts of self-harm and cutting, but as of yet no direct act is portrayed. Please just be aware not all chapters will be only suggestive/hinting at it, and some will contain actual scenes. Please, read with caution, or skip the marked scenes in those chapters if you wish. On with the chapter Contrite's, and again, I can't stress enough, don't give up. Skip the marked part of the chapter if you wish, please do not read it if you might/will be affected. Again, if chapters on any story have dipped in quality, I'm sorry.**

They had just gotten back from the hospital, their spirits low and their energy depleted. The whole of Zootopia seemed silent to them, their ears not flicking or responding to any stimulus. Courtney had never been one to have anything get her down, she'd always been such a lively girl, even when she was young - well, thats the side everyone saw from her. She always saw the positives, even in the most dire of situations; but losing two of the closest anthro's she's ever had in her life? The one who felt like the sister she never had, and the other who was like an older brother she wanted. She had spent so much time with the pair, and Amare's death had really hit her, but she never let the grief get to her. For Odi, she stayed strong and supported the male, and the guilt she felt when they got pulled apart from each other. Leaving him to raise Caelum by himself, while grieving for Amare, she didn't even want to know what happened.. She knew some bad things had happened, he broke down to her before they left, when Caelum was outside, he broke down and told her about the way he had sometimes treated Caelum..

She lifted Caelum up into her arms, noticing his dragged out steps and tired sway, and he quickly snuggled up against her and drifted asleep, to which Courtney allowed a smile to grace her features once more. Caelum may not be her son by blood, or by anything, but she swore to Odi and Amare that she would do anything for him, she promised that if something happened to the pair of them, to treat him like her son, to raise him well, and she would never break that promise. Managing to unlock and open the door, she slunk inside and closed it behind her with her foot, mentally noting to lock it later. Still holding Caelum in her arms, she was surprised by how light he actually was, despite Odi saying that lately Caelum had been eating very well. Carrying the sleeping male to the bed, she was just about to lay him down to sleep when her eyes caught sight of something, something she wished her eyes would never lay on again, something she wanted nothing more than to push to the back of her mind forever and never dwell on it. Shaking the thought free, she lay Caelum down and covered him beneath the blanket, before quietly preparing to leave. The object was out of his reach - thankfully - but none the less she didn't trust it being there. It was just, out and open, so inviting... So welcoming.. So friendly.. She couldn't, she wouldn't.. She had swore the past would stay buried.

She had swore on everything she had - which wasn't much at the time - that the past would stay only in the past, that the old her had no right or place in her new body, in her new life, new future.. She didn't want it tainted by mere shadows and phantoms of someone who died long ago. She didn't want to leave it there; she didn't trust her hands though, she didn't trust her own body to take action she swore should never be enacted. Courtney tried to avert her eyes, but they were just..glued to the inviting metallic glint. "C'mon Court, snap outta it." She just couldn't, for some unknown reason her body just felt, frozen, as though time would only move forwards if she obeyed the mysterious instinct that kicked in.

"C'mon Court.. Those old wounds should stay old.." Everything she said just felt, empty.. She couldn't explain it.. It was one of those moments where, you just felt so powerless, against yourself. So powerless to resist something, like every word was empty and meant nothing, like the only way for it to end was to obey. She felt like a slave to some internal instinct, and she didn't like it one bit. Relunctantly, unwillingly extending her paw out, she reached for the small mentallic object and gripped the non-mental part of it at the back, then pulling it back to her chest and staring blankly at it as it rested on her paws. That old feeling, the feeling she swore was dead with the old her, just began to settle itself nicely in her stomach, the old her getting comfortable in the new, older shell.

She tossed it between her paws, an intent, blank, dead stare locked onto the small old object. It was still, as sharp as it was so many years ago. Still as inviting and welcoming. "No...no more" She hissed, forcing her glance up from the metal temporary, but it was very quickly drawn straight back. That helpless, powerless feeling wasn't new to her, it was something she had grown up with, something she put her heart and soul into banishing. If she relented.. All of that, all of her effort would be wasted; it was just too inviting. Her body just moved, she had almost no control over her paws as one gripped the small razor, proceeding to press it against her bare arm, drawing a soft, both upset yet relieved sigh. She hesitated to make the cut, she refused to surrender to it, she refused to give up. She'd be a massive failure if she did.. In her eyes she'd be a massive, weak, hypocritical failure.. She always talked anthro's she knew out of exactly what she was thinking of doing right now. Closing her eyes, she silently growled with conflicted thoughts, about whether to relent or to fight. She knew how this felt, and all those years ago she loved the feeling, the feeling of the blade, the feeling of the drops of blood that leave the fresh wound.. She loved that, because with those drops of blood that left her internal form, so did the emotions she wanted to rid herself of. "No... I don't... Need this anymore." She assured herself, fighting against the mysterious, unwanted instinct, she moved the blade from her arm without resulting in injury, and pocketed the blade, determined to dispose of it for good later, and with a soft smile, and a sense of pride in herself, she left the bedroom and went on with her life, locking away those thoughts, for good she hoped.

~AN: Yes, I'm well aware that this chapter is a little shorter than the more recent ones I've been creating, but understand I'm not in my element, and writing about things personal to me and many people isn't easy. I just want everyone to know that please... If you ARE going through anything like this, with those kind of thoughts in your head, please, don't go down that route! Take it from me, I've been there, I've hurt myself, I've cut in the past, it doesn't do anything in the long run.. It just causes pain. I know, I understand to some, it might feel like a type of relief, and I understand that because I'm like that. It might help ease emotions or something, but don't fucking do it. Please. You're doing more than making a simple cut on your arm, or whichever body part it is, but seriously, you're doing alot more than just that. You're causing pain for yourself, you're causing pain for everyone around you who cares about you, and if anything, you're not going to get relief from it in the long run, because what most likely happen is what happened to me and other people. You'll do it the first time.. It'll feel nice, a sting that just makes everything feel better.. You'll probably feel a little sick too.. It won't stop there.. Soon you'll do it again, and again, and again.. Each time looking for relief, each time needing more. It's too difficult to stop. Please, I can't stress this enough: DON'T! I don't want people going down the same path. Like I said, you're only causing more pain, and (don't be offended by this) but in a way, you are just scarring a beautiful body. Everyone girl is beautiful in her own way, every boy is handsome in their own way, and you should believe it, and I'm not saying that if you have done something like that, you're not a beautiful girl or handsome boy still, you are. Just please, don't follow that path. People care about you, believe it or not, I care about you all. Until next time Contrite's, peace out.


	12. Chapter 12: Night-terror

~Courtney's POV~

'Why the fuck was this happening to Caelum?' Everything was just so goddamn unfair. It was just so cruel to one of the purest souls. A kit who forgave a dad after four years of neglect, abuse and very little true love.. A kit who forgave anthro's who bullied him for a year straight, and ONLY apologised because they got caught.. Why is it the worst fucking shit happens to the best ones? The ones who don't deserve it. I had a bad life, Zootopia wasn't even half as great as animals made it out to be. This place was hell sometimes. It happened to me for most of my life, and now it was happening to Caelum.

I just wanted to scream, scream about how unfair everything was.. I didn't want to lose Odi.. He was the closest thing to family I had left, aside from Caelum.. But how could I be a good mom when I didn't even know what a good mom was? I didn't know how to raise a kid, I had no idea at all, and I don't think Odi could teach me much. Granted, Caelum was more able to handle himself than I was giving him credit for, but I didn't know how to help him if something happened. "This isn't fair on him.. He needs Odi alot more than he needs me.."

A dejected sigh, I turned my gaze over to my bedside clock, checking the time through a blurred vision from tears refusing to fall. 03:51... I hadn't slept at all for.. Three? Four? Five night? I didn't know.. I was just so tired; I didn't want to close my eyes though.. I hated closing my eyes to sleep, I rarely got good dreams. That razor, I could still feel it's inviting presence echoing in the darkness of the night, just begging for me to relent. I hadn't gave in for, almost twenty years.. Twenty years of not hurting myself, nearly twenty years of being the best me I ever have been.

"The new me don't need that anymore.." I told myself, drowning out the silent pleads from the inanimate object. I was right, the new me didn't need that anymore. The me who realised it wasn't always her fault, the me who actually felt alive, who felt what it was like to be cared about. The me who wasn't ashamed of being.. Me.. Just because I was this new me however, I hadn't recovered from my old life, and time and time again the night haunted me. It would torture me with my dark moments, and whatever part of my subconscious that kept causing these nightmares and terrors knew perfectly which part for me to relive for the 'best' reaction.

Last night was another day of bullying at school, the night before was family problems, the night before that was my cousins funeral, the night before that? More bullying.. It was non-stop lately. One after the next, but I wouldn't do anything about it. I didn't trust anyone enough, except Odi, but I couldn't burden him, and I didn't trust or even really believe in threapy. I know it works for some, but I tried it and we got nowhere in three weeks.. Three weeks and everything they told me just seemed like it was the same shit that already wasn't working.

If I never kept everything to myself for those years and actually told someone maybe I'd be happy now.. Maybe I'd even have my own mate. Probably not actually.. The darkness was welcoming, inviting, and the lack of sleep was really makin everything more difficult, but I was too scared to close my eyes. Heh, a fully grown, adult German Shepherd who was scared to close her eyes and sleep.. Sounds kinda stupid don't it? Well it would to people who don't go through what I do at night. A loud yawn reverberrated throughout my throat, with my eyes unwillingly closing as sleep took over.. I knew it was only a matter of time before the restless sequence started, maybe an hour if I was lucky.

~Flashback, Courtney's POV~ (Suicide Warning! If you do not wish to read that, then I suggest you stop reading this chapter here, as there is nothing after the Flashback, not even an Author's Note. If you do read, please use caution to be safe.)

"Sophie please!"

'Oh, why this one?'

"Sophie please! Don't do this!"

'Anything but this one.. Please anything but this one'

"C'mon Sophie, put the knife down..." Her fathers voice in the background.

'No please.. Anything but this one.'

"Everything hurts too much!" Her broken voice, strained with tears and choked with sobs.

'Please...not this one.. I can't.'

"Sophie please! Don't! Put it down!" I screamed, I screamed and screamed but she wouldn't listen..

"I want it all to stop!" So broken.. So damaged and destroyed.

"C'mon sweetheart, put it down.. Talk to me, I'm your dad.. I love you Sophie. Courtney's your best friend, she loves you too"

'Please... Please please... Stop... I can't.'

"Everything just hurts so much.. I can't handle it.." Tears flooded down her fur, breaking my heart even more..

"Please Sophie.. Don't do this! Just put it down!" I begged, begged and begged, but she wouldn't listen.

'I can't do this.. I can't relive this.. I can do anything but this.'

I watched her.. I watched her pull the blade closer... Frozen on the spot in fear..

"Sophie! Drop it! Don't!" Her dad was so deseperate, so desperate for his daughter to see the light once more.

"I can't.. Handle all the pain dad..." I knew what she was talking about.. What had happened to her that started this off.

"Sophie... Please... You've got me and Courtney here.. We'll support you.. We won't abandon you! Please just don't... Don't do it!" Tears were flowing down my face as I watched her, so broken and destroyed.. The blade inched closer to her body.

'No! Please! Stop! Anything but this! I can't! Sophie!'

"Sophie please! Don't do this! I'll help you through this! Please don't give up! I need you!"

"No you don't... No-one 'needs' me.." So quiet.. So fragile.. So hopeless..

"Thats not true! You're my daughter! I don't only need you, I WANT you in my life! I don't want to lose you!"

'I needed you Sophie.. I needed you so much more than you knew... Than I told you... I failed you... So badly.'

"Sophie please! Just put it down! You can trust us! We'll get through this.. We'll help you... Please put the knife down! You're not alone!"

"It feel's like I am... It feels like I am alone! I can't cope!" It inched even closer, the blade mere centimetre's away from her fur.

"I know it feels like that, but that isn't the case! I'm here for you Sophie! You can talk to me, you can tell me everything and anything! I'll do anything I can to help you!"

"Anything?" So little hope, so little reason.. So little life left in her eyes and her voice..

"Hold me when I die..." The blade pressed against her body, and she just stared at me, eyes empty, hopeless.. Full of so much pain and suffering..

"SOPHIE!" I screamed, desperate for her to not do it..

'SOPHIE! I'm so fucking sorry! I never should've frozen up... I'm so sorry... I failed you... I failed you so much... I failed you so badly it cost you you're life...'

The blade pierced her stomach, her scream of pain snapping me from my frozen state. She collapsed to the floor, the knife handle-deep inside her stomach and blood everywhere..

"Sophie! Call an ambulance!" Her father was so broken, so distraught.. I couldn't blame him, he just watced his own daughter stab herself in the stomach with a knife. A fairly big knife at that. I held her in my arms, tears flooding from my eyes and my body shaking violently from sobs. Her eyes were fading so quickly, her lips were quivering and her tone was so frail.. I drowned out her dads frantic begging for an ambulance.

"I...I couldn't live...with what he done to me...I was...such a failure...for not being able to stop him..." I forced down a sob as she held her tightly.

"I-i-i-it w-w-w-was never y-y-y-you're fault S-Sophie... Y-y-y-you're n-n-not a f-f-failure.."

'She thought it was her fault... She thought it was her fault... I failed her... Failed to keep an unspoken promise I made to do everything to protect her. I'm so sorry..'

I watched her eyes continue to fade so quickly. Her paw reached for mine, which I held onto so tightly, as if I could somehow share my life-force with her and save her. Tears didn't stop flowing from my eyes, or hers, as she just laid there in my arms, so close to death. I pulled her closer to me, her tone was so weak now.. "Courtney... Just...know... I always loved you...I wanted...to be your girlfriend for so long..."

My heart shattered into a million more pieces from the thousand pieces it was already in. "I...Sophie..." I choked on my words. "I...I... I love you too...I love you so much... I can't lose you... Please... Please...please... I want you here... I need you with me... I want to be your mate..."

'I could've saved her... If I told her I loved her sooner... That could've gave her the hope she lost... I failed... Why did I have to fail the one I loved more than anything?'

I felt her shift weakly in my arms, and her voice was still so faint, she was fighting the urge to allow Death's cold embrace to consume her. She didn't say anything, instead, she just pressed her lips to mine. My heart was getting ripped into even more pieces as I felt her grow weaker each second of the kiss.. Why? Why Sophie? I put as much of the love I could muster into returning it, hoping that for some magical reason she'd somehow get a new strength and survive this... When I felt her pass... When I felt her stop... I broke... I laid my ears to her chest... No heartbeat... The world stopped moving, time stopped passing... Seconds felt like decades as I just sat there... Clutching her body tightly as it grew colder and colder, ceaseless tears falling..


	13. Chapter 13: Birthday Dream

Darting awake for the third time that night, Courtney decided against another attempt to sleep. The memory of Sophie was always the worst, always the most destroying, especially when she returned to school. People laughed and joked about what happened to Sophie, unaware of just what it did to her mental state, of how serious it actually was. Ever since it happened, ever since she was drugged and beaten within an inch of her life, kidnapped. The few days she went missing was absolute hell for her.

Courtney had never been looked at the same again when word got out of her death, everyone in school practically knew Courtney loved Sophie to death, it was always obvious to everyone but the girl, the way Courtney would instantly perk up, her eyes would shine. It was the same with Sophie, everyone knew she loved Courtney, but somehow they never figured out the other loved them.

The female German Shepherd could still remember the glares, the hateful stares and harsh and insensitive whispers behind her back. Not one person in school hated Sophie, it was impossible to, and for that, no-one hated Courtney... Until that day. The stares said it all, the words dug like knives through her fur.

"Failure."

"You let her down."

"She needed you."

"I thought you loved her." That line... Those words were spoken by her ex-bestfriend. Just like everyone else, he turned his back on her when she needed him the most. "Didn't love her enough to protect her did you? Didn't love her enough to save her life did you?" He always pushed her up against the wall, practically growling out those questions in pure hatred.

The tears pricked at her eyes once more, recalling the memories unwillingly. She wasn't a popular girl from the beginning, but no-one ever bothered to hurt her - when Sophie was alive atleast. Once word was out, she would go home every Friday with a broken arm or leg, covered in brusies, or a simple black eye and brusies if she was lucky, but they would always break her down emotionally with her suppoused failure to be even a remotely good future girlfriend.

Wiping her eyes, she climbed out of bed and made her way downstairs, stumbling and struggling under the unseen weight of her fatigue. "I'm so sorry Sophie." A whisper so faint left her lips as she cradled a small locket in her paws. It was a birthday present from Sophie... Literally the day before her kidnapping; the silver jewelery was the only reminder of the ocelot she had. The night was still fairly young, it had only been about half an hour since she first went to sleep, not that it surprised her. Half an hour of sleep, restless and soul-crushing or not, was welcomeing.

Leaning against the wall for support, she stumbled into the living room and fell onto the sofa with more tears in her eyes, silent sobs leaving her maw as she sunk into the soft surface, blurry vision fixated upon the locket as she ran a single finger over the metal constantly. She could still recall her birthday, when Sophie gave her locket, and the day when she had the picture inside the locket taken.

As she opened the paw-shaped object, complete with a heart indentation that flawlessly merged with the detailed pattern of a paw. The picture inside just made her want to sob harder, but she didn't. She had exhausted her tears by now. A younger version of her stood at the beach with Sophie beside her; Courtney's cheeks flush red with a hint of surprise still evident in her smile, Sophie's the same, as she stood beside her, arms wrapped around her and her head resting against Courtney's shoulder, with a beautiful picture of the sun beginning to set behind them.

She ran her paw over the picture, reminisicing on the day and allowing a weak, but genuine smile and even a slight blush to form as she gazed longingly at Sophie, remembering even the warmth of her body, the gentleness of her touch, or the passion of the 'thank you' kiss that was responsible for her intense blush evident in the picture. At that time she didn't think so much that Sophie actually loved her, being that they were both comfortable lesbains and there had been so many occasions where one had kissed the other, Courtney didn't think so much of it. How much she regretted not realising.

The kiss, the entire day practically screamed to Courtney, 'I LOVE YOU' and for some stupid reason, she never realised it, despite how passionate Sophie was. The poor Ocelot tried so hard for Courtney to finally listen to her heart and realise, only to fail. The day slowly seeped into her mind, despite knowing it's outcome and the future, she happily allowed herself to reflect on it.

~Flashback, Courtney's POV~

I woke up ridiculously early that Saturday, perhaps too early - as it was only one in the morning - but I was just so happy. It was my birthday, and what person doesn't love their birthday. I turned to my side at a slight groan, noticing Sophie shifting beneath the blanket, quickly reminding me we were still on holiday and me and Sophie had to share. Needless to say, Sophie deserved the holiday too. Besides, my family absolutely adored her, so it didn't take much persuading.

She kicked off the blanket, and a blush swarmed my cheeks. I still wasn't used to having her actually share my bed, not just sleep in it while I slept in a sleeping bag whenever she had a sleep over. It was the middle of the summer too, at it it's hottest, which didn't help at all with my blush. Remaining quiet, I snuck out the room with a smile plastered on my face - yet in all honesty I had absolutely no fucking clue why I was even up so early.

A sudden chill brought a shiver to my body, an unpleasent reminder that while it was summer, the nights would still be terribly cold sometimes. I heard a door open, tired steps making their way down to where I was now sitting. "Courtney?" Her tired voice whispered in the darkness, surprising me. 'Oh shit, I woke her up didn't I?'

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry Sophie."

"I woke up when I felt you leave the bed.. You alright?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine, I'm always up early on my birthday." She took a seat beside me, yawning loudly, but even then it was still so quiet and cute; I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close, letting her head rest on my shoulder as she started to quickly fall asleep once again.

I cast my gaze over her, forgetting she was wearing nothing but her bikini, luring yet another strong blush to my face, but all the same a soft frown and a repressed growl when my eyes fell on the fading brusies over her arms and stomach, they were barely noticeable, bordering on non-existant, yet having seen them when they stood out and first formed, I could still pick them out. I was so thankful they weren't seriously damaging, but still I hated the fact she got into a fight, and lost.

She was beautiful, I never could deny that, but as much as I would've liked to, I didn't allow my gaze to linger any longer. I mean, I'm not a pervert or stalker. "Yes you are"

"Wait? What?" Did she hear my thoughts or something?

"You are a pervert" She giggled softly, hinting that she was awake once again.

"Am not. Did I say that outloud?"

"Nope, but I saw you looking." My expression instantly dropped, and I turned my gaze away from her ashamed. "Oh cheer up, was I complaining? I know I'm good to look at. You're not too bad yourself." Now she was blushing heavily. Despite being pretty openly lesbain, she still was so shy about it around me, just like I was with her. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed she was looking anywhere but me after saying that, drawing a small laugh from my throat, still remaining quiet to not wake the ones still asleep.

"Ermm, Courtney?" I was surprised by the hesistant, quiet tone that left her lips, as if she was really nervous about whatever she had to say. I simply made a sound of acknowledgment and offered a reassuring smile that this wont change anything. "I was wondering, seeing as how we're both awake, maybe I could... Errrm..." She whispered something so faintly even my sharp hearing missed it.

"What was that?"

"Give you a quick good morning, happy birthday kiss?" I looked at her slightly surprised, but all the same having expected as much. It became a thing of ours, on each others birthday to kiss them, something we started when we were oh so young, before we even knew what kissing actually meant - not that the knowledge changed anything. Although the kiss I got wasn't the one I had become accustomed, it was alot more passionate, even a slight bit hesistant.

She molded her lips to mine, her eyes closing as she climbed onto my lap, pushing into the kiss slightly. Her arms wormed their way around to the back of my neck, pulling herself closer against me. I was beyond shocked at how different this was, but it wasn't unpleasent at all. I did love the girl afterall, I just wouldn't ever tell her for fear of rejection. She nipped at my bottom lip, her paws pulling her even closer, while my own finally found their use as they gently stroked down her curves, resting on her hips. Much to my dismay however, Sophie quickly pulled back, looking almost heartbroken as if she thought I'd hate her for that.

Quickly unwrapping her paws from around me, she moved away from me into the corner, curling her legs up against her chest as soft whimpers escaped her throat. "I'm s-s-sorry... P-p-please don't h-hate me.. I-I-I didn't mean for it to go that far." She hid behind her paws, clearly frightened of how I'd react. Her whimpers grew more frequent as I - still slightly shocked and surprised - never responded to her, though after some time I finally returned to my senses.

"Hey, Sophie.. Don't cry." I gently clasped her paws in my own and pulled them to either side of her. Her eyes said it all. 'I'm scared' I gave her a soft kiss in return, hoping to ease her - which to my delight it did. "Sophie, I promise it's fine. I don't hate you, honestly.." I paused, blushing heavily. "I really enjoyed it actually." The surprise in her eyes was immense, and before I knew what happened, she was quickly pressing herself against me, clutching my fur tightly, as if she wasn't sure I was being serious and was still scared.

~Present Time, Courtney's POV~

That was the first time she ever actually surrendered to her feelings, and it made me realise just how long she had been holding back and lying to herself. Why weren't we able to realise each other was holding back? How I missed her so much.. I missed that kiss, it was one of the two times she truly let her love actually make itself known, and I, like the foolish girl I was, didn't fucking realise.

Now I thought back on it, I hated myself. It was so obvious, and I held so much anger and frustration now.. It felt almost certain that if I never kept my problems, and in effect, all of my feelings as bottled up and secluded as I did, maybe the dark future that came to be could've even been somehow prevented entirely. If I could control time and go back, knowing what I know now, I would and I'd change her fate, I'd rewrite history in a heartbeat for a second chance.

That day went by like every other, up until the sunset at the beach, when she gave me the locket and we had the picture taken. She relented alot more that time, and even I surrendered for a bit, in all honesty.. I was still wondering just how far we would've actually gone..

"I miss you so much Sophie.."

~Flashback, Courtney's POV~

We walked along the beach, the sun on our fur and the warmth of the day fading to much more tolerable temperatures. My parents had decided to walk over to the ocean, instead of with me and Sophie as we disappeared behind one of the outcrops of rock, obscured from veiw. The beach was literally empty save for us, so I wasn't too self conscious about the fact I was in my bikini, and that Sophie was also, only wearing really short shorts as well to carry her phone.

We had walked a short distance before we were out of earshot, then Sophie stopped - going and placing her phone against one of the rocks with the camera turned on at a long timer - before she came back and whispered with a shy voice. "Ermm.. I-I know you didn't actually w-want anything for your birthday.. But I just had to give you this locket.. It's so beautiful and.. I don't know I just kinda think it would suit you." As she said that, she pulled the silver from her back pocket, handing it to me. I gazed at it, fixated upon the beautiful design, before slowly putting it on with a genuine smile on my face.

"It's beautiful. Thank you so much." I knew the phone was so we could get a picture, and the angle of it would capture the sun setting in the background, it would be flawless awesome. That was when the moment that we both surrendered turned up. Meaning for it to be a simple 'thank you' kiss, it quickly escalated to something more passionate, although I couldn't be sure whether it was actually intentional or not.

I pushed my lips to hers, eyes slowly closing in bliss as hers did the same. Her arms wrapped around my neck, my own snaking their way down her curves and worming around to her back, pressing her against me. I could feel her nipping softly at my bottom lip, asking for entrance which, I hesitantly granted. Why was it going so far? I didn't actually understand why it was as passionate or intense as it was, but I wasn't going to complain. She slowly pushed her tounge inside, my own fighting back, and before I knew it we were both on the sand.

To my dissappointment, she seemed to collect herself and pulled away, cheeks flush red in complete embarrassment, while I could feel the heat rush up to my face. "I-I-I'm sorr-sorry." We both stuttered out simulatenously, her helping me to my feet. She wrapped her arms around me and laid her head against my shoulder, smiling brightly with evident surprise, my own expression the same as I turned to face her phone. Somehow, the timer had been just long enough for that kiss to happen, as if she done it on purpose..

~Present Time, still Courtney's POV~

That was the last time I ever saw her smile, or even be remotely happy. Continuing to stroke my paw over the picture, I felt tears begin to run slowly down my face. I couldn't do it anymore. I quickly hid the locket, not daring to look at it until much later. "I miss you Sophie..." Was all I could whimper out, curling up on the sofa to try for a final time to get some sleep, hoping that maybe I could reflect on that day again, or atleast let my imagination grant me some type of freedom from the terrors..


	14. Chapter 14: Lunar

'Dull, rainy day, bored fox. Week off school. Dad in hospitle. Courtney at work.'

Idled on his newly acclaimed bed in his new bedroom, the fox stared out his window at the rainfall, bored out of his mind and utterly fed up. Life was a load of shit. No sugarcoating. His closest and first friend, Celica, had been growing distant at school, his dad was in hospitle, and Courtney was back at work, and from what he had managed to overhear whenever she came home pissed off, there were a few 'problem's' that she was having with other officer's and a Chief Bogo. He had approached her about it, but like the stubborn girl she had always been, she pushed it aside and claimed it wasn't something he needed to worry himself with.

School was a mix of up and down. He had gotten a few friends in his time there, growing close to them, but not as close as he used to be with Celica, and that pained the fox though he wouldn't show it. Naturally, he still faced judgement, bullies, predjudice and the sorts from other students, but he was growing cold and disconnected to the hate; the only issue was that he was slowly growing disconnected to the positives as well.

Couple all of that with the fact that he had recently gotten into a fight, and nearly lost his right eye from it, and you had one broken fox. The vibration of his phone snapped his thoughts back into reality, and he lazily grabbed his phone and unlocked it, pausing on the wallpaper.

Answering the call, he was greeted by the soft, smooth, female voice on the other side.

"Hey Cae." She greeted him.

"Hi Lunar, what you up to?"

"Nothing much. Bored outta my miiiiind just staring at the rain." She whined, Caelum able to imagine the pout on her face. Lunar; he had met her when she first moved to his school, for reasons unknown. She was a likeable, loveable vixen, funny, sweet, shy and kind - eyes a glowing moonlight blue, and fur a dark midnight blue, with a long, winding, fluffy cat tail, and cat ears that swivelled on her head at every different sound, or perked up and drooped in different ways in relation to her feelings.

He had been the first to approach the cross-breed, introducing her to his few friends and very quickly growing close to her in the few weeks she was there with them. "Hah, same, soo what do ya want?"

"Why do you assume I want something?"

"Well, normally you only call me when you need help with something, usually homework. Let me guess." He paused to think for a moment. "Maths, given a stupidly difficult set of questions, no calculator and you 'don't want to cheat'" He knew Lunar well. She was never one for calling up people for idle conversations, she more than likely needed help or a favour - didn't mean they didn't end up talking for hours after she called them anyway.

"Ok. One, technically I'm not cheating because it's not me who uses the calculator, it's you who then relays the information to me so I can write it down, it's called teamwork."

"It's called cheating." He deadpanned, cutting her off.

"But that's not important, what's important is that it's totally one hundred percent NOT cheating, just.. breaking the rules and doing what your not supposed to do in a slightly different way." She tried to justify her method of cheating.

"Like I said.. Cheating."

"Ok, fiiiiine, it's sort of like cheating. Happy?" She sighed, making him 'hmm' in content.

"It's enough. Now, how can I help you kitty?" He purred softly, making her growl in annoyance.

"Since when did you purr? You're not half cat. Don't purr.. Purring is MY thing." She hissed. Then she quickly snarled and added on. "And don't call me kitty! I'm only half cat."

"Aaaaanyway, what can I do for you?"

"Nothing really. Honestly, I called you up to ask if I can pop over to your's? I'm dead bored over here and my parents are no fun." Caelum swiftly shot up straight, shaking his head as if she was crazy."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"After last time!"

"It wasn't THAT bad. Jeez." He could imagine her rolling her eyes.

"Yes it was!" He exclaimed.

"All I did was accidently blow the toaster up and nearly set the kitchen on fire." She pointed out as if it was something so medicore and simple. "Don't act like you've never done it before."

"As a matter of fact, Lunar, I haven't. I'm pretty sure you're the only person who has nearly burnt down a kitchen and blew up a toaster because you wanted a slice of toast."

"I did warn you in advance that I break everything I touch." He could hear the slightly forced giggle on her voice. "Besides, how was I supposed to know it would do that? You're the ones with the toaster that has a self-destruct mode. Not me. Can I pleeeeeeeease come over? I'll make it worth your while."

"How so?"

"I'll actually buy you a present for Christmas?" She didn't sound all that convinced in her own offer, but he could hear the boredness overtaking her. Feeling sorry for the girl, as she's always been able to lift his spirits when he was bored and down, he agreed.

"Fine, but please.. Try not to destroy something this time. Are you going to bring anything with you?"

"I don't know, probably my drawing book and some crayons and that. It's no fun drawing alone."

"Yeah, I forgot you love to draw whenever I'm around. I have to say, you're getting really good."

"I only do it because you actually seem to be the only one whose interested enough to even look at them, and because you're kinda a drawer yourself. I'll see you in a bit then, going to go bug dad until he agrees to drop me off. Is Courtney there or ya home alone?"

"Home alone, she'll be back in a hour or two, I'll send her a text to let her know your here."

"Much obilged, see ya." She ended the phone call before he could say goodbye back, but a soft smile was hidden on his lips. He secretly liked Lunar the most out of all his friends, infact, he'd even go so far as to say he may have a small crush on the cat-fox. She had a way of cheering everyone up, and Courtney had said Lunar reminded her of a friend she used to have when she was lot younger, and she was good at getting Caelum to agree to things, all because of her ability to purr, whine AND do puppy eyes at once. It was something no-one could resist.

After sending a text to Courtney, letting her know Lunar was coming over for a bit, he climbed out of bed, phone in his pocket and began searching for things they could do. Finding his own drawing book, he was interrupted by a text on his phone; checking it to see Courtney was perfectly ok, well.. She did literally invite Lunar around whenever she wanted, but she was fretting about the toaster. It had.. Been an awkward conversation but the young cat-fox was forgiven with open arms and a massive embrace.

He had made sure to get out his spare housecoat just incase she got cold again. From what he had figured out, her body wasn't able to regulate the temperature as efficently during colder times, so she'd feel it more than any other friends of his, alot more. The first time it happened, no-one realised how bad it could affect her and she actually had to get medical attention.

Her room, from what she had said, had to be re-designed to help her cope with this 'problem' as she called it, but his room wasn't, and he had no way to get over to her house. Laying it on the end of his bed, he opened up his drawing book and flicked through some of his sketches while he waited for any notification from Lunar. Some of his sketches were much more detailed than others, and one or two in-particular where really beautiful and very well detailed sketches of Lunar and his characters in their game - Lunar had done the detail and alot of the refinement in those sketches, but the rest were purely his.

She had a talent for drawing, that was undeniable, and coupled with her extensive creativity for designs and concepts, she had potential. A text came through from the half-cat, her saying that her dad had very easily relented to the puppy eyes and was dropping her off now, and that he was placing her in his care. He gulped, knowing that her dad was very protective of her and if something happened.. Well he doubted even Courtney could do much.

He went downstairs and waited patiently at the base of the steps, somehow knowing she was only a minute away at most. He twirled a pencil in his paw while waiting, then nearly jumped out his fur when the doorbell rang. "Caelum! It's me." Her voice echoed from the other side of the door. Grabbing his key, he wasted no time in letting her inside, hanging up her wet coat after she took it off.

He looked at her, an eyebrow raised in confusion at her clothing choice. "Really? A tank top and long-shorts? In THIS weather?"

"It's a cool tank top. Look it has my name on the back, and the design is sooo cool on the front." Well she did have a point. Printed on the back of the black clothing was a midnight sky that formed the word 'Lunar', while on the front was a beautifully designed and intricately detailed Midnight blue nebula.

"Still, kinda unproductive, especially considering your 'problem' as you call it."

"It is a problem.. It's not normal." She whispered, almost as if she felt slightly ashamed.

"When have you ever been one for 'normal?'" He looked at her with a blank expression, eyebrow raised knowingly.

"Never, but that's beside the point." She crouched down, taking out her crayons and her drawing book from her small backpack, leaving it beside Caelum's school one, she waited patiently for him to go first.

Leading the way with her close behind, he opened the door and let her inside, closing it behind him, he grabbed the spare housecoat. The fox-cat turned at the sound of his voice, "Lunar, you're probably going to want this, considering your unproductive choice." Her vision was encased in blackness as he threw it over her head, her posture instantly slumping into an annoyed one.

She huffed beneath the housecoat, Caelum watching with a smirk on his face. "Seriously? You couldn't pass it to me? You just had to ruin my fur." He rolled his eyes at her, but made no effort to help her. "So I guess you're not going to be a nice fox and help me out?"

"It's not like it's difficult Lunar, just take it off." Instantly she went quiet, then giggled softly.

"I didn't know that was why you let me come over."

"No no no! That's NOT what I mean. Just take the housecoat off Lunar, nothing else."

She giggled once again and finally pulled the housecoat off her head, ruffling her fur, she put on a dissappointed expression that ultimately morphed back into a smile, putting the housecoat on, she looked at him with genuine gratitude. "T-thanks Caelum.. It's, nice to get out the house.. been bored all week because of this horrible weather."

He smiled back, jumping onto his bed, she climbed on next to him and sat beside the fox, looking through his drawing book at some of his later sketches, admiring them, before leaning back against the wall and resting her own drawing book on her lap, open at a blank page. Caelum leaned against the headboard of his bed, his eyes catching a very brief glance of a small, faint red mark on her wrist, hiding well against her fur.

"Soo, what have you done all week?" She asked, ignoring her sketch.

"Nothing really, yourself?"

"Same, been.. yeah.. bored all weekend, spent most of it in bed." She crawled over to Caelum, snuggling up to the fox. "S-sorry.. For some reason I'm still kinda cold. You don't mind.. right?" He shook his head in a 'no' wrapping his arm around the vixen-cat as she let out a faint yawn. "You're not boring.. I've just been getting little sleep this week.. Y'know, late nights and that. I'm sorry I'm not much good company right now." She snuggled closer into him, resting her head against his chest. She suddenly got up and stared at him with a threatening glare and half-slitted pupils, hissing "This means nothing by the way."

He hummed as if to say, 'I know, no need to threaten me' even though she couldn't hurt him to save her life, she just wanted to look tough and make the point clear. "Seriously, nothing."


	15. Chapter 15: Promise

**So I decided to do something a little different for this chapter, seeing as how Caelum is Canon to Zootopia 2, as well as the Marked being Canon to both their lives, I decided to do something that explores a little bit into his time under the Marked, I'm not sure whether you guys like it or not so I guess this kinda a test, so lemme know, either way, I hope you guys enjoy.**

The grey vulpine nudged the female cross-breed that lay against him, slowly waking her back up from her comfortable nap. Moonlight blue eyes gazed up at him annoyed, her voice a quiet, displeased mumble. "What? I was having a nice dream." Caelum raised an eyebrow with a badly hidden smirk forming on his face.

Smiling softly, he teased "I thought you said this meant nothing." Promptly earned him a weak punch to the stomach. He laughed, ruffling her fur - much to her obvious utter displeasure. "Your phone went." He gestured to the pocket in which it was kept, attempting to not laugh at her attempt to look angry. Ear's flattened against her head, and her mouth a scowl that still looked more like a smile than anything intimidating. Maybe it was the tiny crush part of him speaking but she looked kinda cute.

"You really had to wake me up for that?" She deadpanned, staring him blank in the eyes. Offering nothing in response but the nod of his head and a stupid grin, he felt another weak jab to his stomach. She took out the device, idly unlocked it, done absolutely nothing then locked it again. "I'll read it later." She shrugged her shoulders, leaning up into a sitting position. She grabbed her drawing book, opening it up to a new page, but ultimately sighed in defeat after a few seconds of staring at it. "I'm lost for idea's right now.. Wanna do something else? Truth or Dare?"

"Well, there's not really many things we can do for Dare's."

"I guess, it could be drawing dares?" She suggested, gesturing with her paw to the blank page. She promptly lay down on her back, her head dangling off the edge of the bed, looking around his room upside down. "Thing's look so weird upside down." She commented, more to herself than him.

With a eyebrow raised, he interegated. "Just what type of dares would these be?" To which his response was a simple mumbled 'I don't know.' as she was still laying upside down. An evil, but playful smirk slowly materialised on his maw, seeing an opening in her defences; he pounced, tickling her sides and making her burst into desperate whines and laughter intertwined.

"Please... Stop." She cried admist a fit of laughter, her legs subconsciously kicking out beneath her. Without even meaning too, she caught him with one kick right in the chest, a weak, but sharp pain suddenly making itself apparent; granting her request, he moved a safe distance from the female, trying his best to hide the smile.

Her face was flush red, burning heat in her cheeks and a lack of oxygen in her lungs. "W...why?" She wheezed inbetween breaths, sitting up. Her fur was an aboslute mess now, ruffled and unkempt, glowing with the intensity of her blush. "Y-you.. Know I'm really ticklish."

"Exactly, you gave me the opportunity." Laughed the vulpine. "And that kick hurt." He faked-whined, rubbing where she had caught him to ease the imaginary pain. "Kiss it better?" He smirked at her playfully.

"Oh hell noo, I'd rather do Maths a week straight." The males expression dropped, but a playful pout still sat there. She giggled, patting the foxes head. "You're so cute when your mad."

"Aww thanks, I knew you liked me." He laughed.

"Yeaah, no, don't go that far foxyboy. We're friends. Just friends." The faintest bit of dissappointment hid under her quiet voice.

"Can be more." He smiled a genuine smile.

"Maybe when we're older." She returned his smile, her voice sounding slightly hopeful but all the same uninterested.

"I meant we could be best friends."

"Huh? W-well.. I-I thought we were?"

"We are." The sky fox laughed. "You said we were just friends. Tell you what, Lunar, will you be my best friend?"

"Jeez, you almost sounded like your were going to propose to me." She laughed. "Of course I will." Shaking her head with an amused smile on her face, she shifted slightly closer to him.

"Thanks Kitty."

Caelum soon found himself pinned beneath her, Lunar glaring at him with her best intimidating glare and growling softly at him. "Don't call me kitty."

"Ok, I won't.." He quickly pushed her onto her back and pinned her down, a smug, cocky, playful smirk on his face. "..Kitty."

"If we kiss Imma puke." She laughed with a blush.

"Wait? What? Oh.." He very quickly moved away from Lunar once he realised how close they actually were, blushing heavily.

"So ermm.. What do best friends actually do?" She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, embarrassed. Truth be told she had never had a best friend, or been considered as one, she was always more of a loner type - infact the only reason she knew Caelum was because he just wouldn't leave her alone; first, she wanted nothing more than for him to go away, but now she loved his presence just as much as she loved being alone.

Caelum merely shrugged, looking at her slightly suprised. "You never had one?"

She shook her head in embarrassment. "N-no." She stuttered, suddenly beginning to feel slightly self-conscious about it; perhaps it was the fact he seemed to be able to quickly make friends with someone like her, but whenever she tried, she got shut down. "I-I've never r-really h-had a friend b-before you."

"Aww kitty, I'm honoured."

She flattened her ears against her head, staring at the fox with her best annoyed stare. "Stop calling me kitty. I'm not a full cat. Only half."

"You look like a cat."

"I look more like a fox."

"Same difference, kitty still fits you as a nickname." Caelum shrugged, patting the females fur while she sat there pouting.

"I hate you sometimes."

"No you don't." He smiled playfully, "yooou knooow you like meeee."

She sighed with a laugh following, teasing "I don't think I do know that." He pouted, causing her to laugh more. Suddenly she went quiet, looking at him nervously. She seemed worried to speak all of a sudden.

"Lunar? What's wrong?"

"You're not gonna ditch me are you? You're like my only friend, and I don't wanna go back to being a loner." Her eyes fell downcast, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. Noticeably flinching from surprise as Caelum hugged her, she returned the hug, finding some element of comfort in the embrace.

"Naaah, I couldn't ditch you... Kitty." He ruffled the fur of her head...

 _He spent so long trying, and in the end it was all for nothing. They were right, right all along, and despite everything, despite all their warnings, Caelum kept pushing, kept challenging them, kept calling their bluffs... Now look where it ended... Look at what he had caused.. He held and kept that promise for so many years, and now he broke it. He wouldn't ever forgive them... He promised himself, he promised everyone around him, he promised her.. He swore that one day, these bastards would get what's coming to them.. One day, these fuckers, these Marked, would find themselves buried six feet under..._

 _He ran his paw along the knife, staring at the mound of dirt infront of him, a lone tear falling from his eyes. They wouldn't even let him bury her.. They were just gonna throw her away somewhere to rot. "I'm gonna fucking kill every last one of those fucking bastards... Mark my fucking words." He growled so darkly. Those who surrounded him, including Nick, took a step back, seemingly out of fear. "They are all going to pay for this, or I'm going to die trying."_


End file.
